I'm sitting in my pj's and have a bit of that tight chest feeling (the one that makes me think "how am I going to make it through the day). I haven't showered, the white noise is going while Dahlia rests and I look out the window. Autumn is here. I love her. She brings fire to the trees that then falls off and is carried through the wind. The sky is blue. Thank you, sky, for being blue. I needed you to be blue today. The house is pretty cozy but my feet are still cold. Why are my feet always cold? A bath will warm them. I feel heavy today and a bit alone with people all around me and the sound of someone coming up the stairs and shutting the door to the neighboring flat.
Yesterday, Jason and I went to Edinburgh with Dahlia to get her passport. The grasslands in view outside the train window were lovely and lonely to me too. It must be my mood. I don't mind it. We'll go to the park. I'll see friends there. West end Glasgow is amazing like that. I can be thinking that I need to go and see someone in particular and most likely in the coming weeks I will without any effort on my part. We'll see each other at the park, shopping--the normal comings and goings. . .
I love windows today. I love the trees outside my window and the sweet little birds who move their heads just so. It makes me smile. Dahlia is very aware of the birds now and gets excited when they fly overhead.